Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
