btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
