There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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