My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
