His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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