I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
