I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My vagina is officially offended.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
