You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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