Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
