That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
