just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
