I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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