It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
