Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
