bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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