why didn't you poke me back
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
