summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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