I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
