just come out here and I will go home with you...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
