Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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