my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
