I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
