I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
