I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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