he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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