there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
