JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
