I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
