Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
