kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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