if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
