For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My liver just had a heart attack.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
