can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize