I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Please, let me fuck your mom
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
