Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
