i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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