i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
