my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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