Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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