If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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