why didn't you poke me back
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
