Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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