If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize