Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
