I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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