Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
