all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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