only if we run a train.
done.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
