It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
