If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
