thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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