This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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