Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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