dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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