we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
