My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
