My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
