weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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