proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
