I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
