i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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