how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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