When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
