hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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