a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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