i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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