ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
