my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
