How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
