Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
