i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
