its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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