Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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