he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize