I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
