You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
